From Co-Regulation to Self-Regulation: A Holistic Approach to Supporting Children’s Emotional Development
Across homes and early learning settings, more children are struggling with transitions, focus, and engagement, prompting the question: How can we foster learning when children aren’t ready to engage?
Self-regulation is key. A skill that underpins a child’s ability to concentrate, navigate social interactions, and respond to the ebb and flow of daily routines. Yet traditional approaches to self-regulation, like colour-coded zones or fidget tools, often miss in building deeper, sustainable skills. To create lasting change, adults must go beyond surface-level strategies and explore the interconnection between body, emotions, and relationships.
Moving beyond facial expressions to internal awareness
In many ECE settings, children are introduced to self-regulation through tools like emotion charts or and visual cues. These approaches teach children to recognise emotions by associating them with facial expressions or specific colours (e.g., green for calm, red for angry). While a helpful starting point, these tools rarely address the root of emotional dysregulation: children’s ability to tune into their own internal signals, or interoception.
Interoception: the brain’s ability to sense and interpret signals from the body about its internal state.
The awareness of internal body cues like a racing heart, a tightening chest, or a grumbling stomach. These physical sensations are often the first signs of a child’s emotional state, signals that if recognised, can guide them to proactively manage their needs. For instance, understanding that a clenched fist signals frustration allows a child to pause, take a breath, or seek help before their emotions escalate into complete dysregulation.
Adults can foster this awareness by embedding sensory language and discussions into everyday routines. Simple, intentional observations like, “I notice your legs are bouncing. Could that mean you’re feeling restless?” or “Your face looks scrunched. Maybe you’re feeling frustrated?” Over time, this builds a critical skill: the ability to notice, name, and respond to their feelings before they become overwhelming.
The often missing link: co-regulation
Self-regulation often assumes independence is the ultimate goal, but for young children the journey begins with co-regulation. This involves an adult actively supporting a child to manage their emotions and physical state. Co-regulation is not just about calming a child in the moment; it’s about modelling how to navigate challenging feelings, exploring different strategies and laying the groundwork for children to strengthen these skills over time.
Co-regulation also teaches children that they don’t have to navigate big emotions alone. By staying calm, present, and attuned to a child’s needs, adults create an emotional safety net, helping children move from dysregulation to balance.
At home and in an early learning service, co-regulation can play in the simple moments. For examples: An educator may respond to a child in distress by kneeling, making contact and asking “It looks like your breathing is quick. Should we take a moment to breathe together?”
“The most powerful buffer in times of stress and distress is our social connectedness.” Dr Bruce Perry
Sensory systems and the role of the vagus nerve
The vagus nerve, a key player in the body’s stress-response system, connects the brain to vital organs. When activated, it helps the body enter a “rest and digest” state, promoting calmness and focus.
Adults can tap into the vagus nerve’s calming effects through simple, child-friendly strategies, such as:
- Deep breathing: Slow, deliberate breaths engage the vagus nerve, helping to slow the heart rate and calm the nervous system.
- Gentle physical movement: Activities like rocking, stretching, or yoga stimulate the body’s balance and movement awareness, promoting relaxation.
- Oral stimulation: Blowing bubbles, sipping water through a straw, or humming gently engages muscles around the mouth and throat, activating the vagus nerve.
By integrating these practices into daily routines, adults can help children build their capacity to self-soothe, reducing the impact of stress on their ability to engage and learn. Observed closely, we might notice children are already engaging some of these regulation strategies for themselves. This could look like a child swaying side-to-side, humming quietly, thumb-sucking, dummies (pacifiers), or chewing on clothing or toys. Recognising these natural self-soothing behaviours gives us insight into what a child needs to regulate themselves.
Instead of removing these strategies, we can guide children toward more sustainable alternatives that support their emotional and physical wellbeing.
Practical strategies
Bringing body awareness and self-regulation into everyday life is about embedding small, intentional practices into the flow of the day. Consider these strategies:
- Body scans: During quiet moments or before bedtime, guide children through a “check-in” with their bodies, asking questions like, “Do your shoulders feel tight? Is your tummy full or empty?” This practice helps children tune into physical cues. By adopting this proactive approach, adults can help children recognise and address their needs before dysregulation occurs, reducing the need for reactive support and fostering a calmer, more balanced environment for both the child and adult.
- Social stories: Choose stories where characters experience different emotions linked to body sensations, like butterflies in the stomach when nervous, or wobbly legs when tired. This fosters a connection between physical sensations and emotions.
- Sensory stations: Provide access to tools that engage different sensory systems, such as weighted blankets, tactile toys, or noise-cancelling headphones, allowing children to explore calming strategies that suit their unique needs. Nature itself can provide the ultimate sensory station, offering rich and varied stimuli.
Building resilience through relationships
At the heart of self-regulation is the idea that children learn best in the context of warm, responsive relationships.
“The starting point for all effective relationships is tuning to the other person’s world, understanding their perception and experience, and establishing a personal connection.” Moore 2007
This highlights the importance of an adult’s attunement to children’s emotional and physical cues.
When adults provide consistent, nurturing support, they help children build resilience. Over time, children internalise the skills and confidence needed to manage their emotions, not just in structured settings but across all areas of life.
A holistic approach to regulation
Fidget spinners, emotion charts, and quick fixes may offer temporary relief, but they rarely address the deeper work required to foster genuine self-regulation. Self-regulation is not a standalone skill; it’s a developmental journey that starts with connection. When we honour this journey, we empower children to become resilient, self-aware individuals capable of navigating the complexities of their world with confidence and calm.
